Snuggie Love

Once in a great while, a direct response product and advertisement comes along that enters the pop culture zeitgeist and is so awesome in its expectation-defying construct that it causes one to pause and wonder if they know anything whatsoever about marketing. I’m not talking about jaw-dropping DR road kill such as Madame Fifi’s Psychic Love Plant and its claim to put an end to celibacy. Nor am I referring to the Bungee Squirrel, a do-it-yourself, PETA-scorned outdoor entertainment device linking a corn-on-the-cob to an elastic cord that enabled you to launch hungry rodents into the neighbor’s pool. No, we’re talking Ginsu Knife, Pocket Fisherman, Thighmaster, George Forman Grill hall-of-fame, pantheon-of-kitsch territory guaranteed to make somebody very, very rich. In this case, those somebodies are the brilliant folks at All StarMarketing.

Behold the Snuggie.
Unless you’ve been hanging out with Ginger and Mary Ann, then you already know what the Snuggie is–a blanket with sleeves ideal for keeping warm under any conditions that don’t require your backside to be covered, since you don it like surgical scrubs.

Just thinking about the Snuggie and its incredible utility makes the mind wander. In fact, since it’s apparent that the Snuggie is here to stay, I have a few suggestions for future Snuggie commercial iterations: “Stay warm with a Snuggie at your next colonoscopy! Just tell the nurse to stick that hospital gown; you roll with your own.” Or, “With a Snuggie, you’ll be able to reduce your liquor bill by sneaking into the back room at Christian Brothers and quaffing some free brandy. Dear Abby, hit me with your best shot!” Perhaps, “Add a goatee and light saber to the Snuggie and you can finally get your prepubescent children to obey by repeating, ‘Use the force, Luke. Clean your room.’” Did I mention it also comes with an attractive robotic book light that looks so much like WALL-E he might leave EVE? After all, he has a thing for Cyclops.

Then there are the line extensions. The Snuggie Suit: Wear it to your next meeting and you’ll have a warm feeling even if your sales pitch gets a chilly reception. As a lobster bib: Get, er, fleeced at Joe’s Stone Crab in sage-green style! The Snuggie Straight Jacket: For when you don’t want your fruit-fly-attention-span husband to use the remote. As a blind date screener: If the date is going well, simply explain to Mr. Right that you’re naked underneath the Snuggie. If not, tell him that as a nun, you’re not in the habit of meeting strange men. That’s why you’re wearing one.

Apparently, I’m not the only one obsessed with the Snuggie. YouTube rants, knock-offs and parodies “blanket” the Internet. Which just goes to show that sometimes the simplest ideas strike a chord. Just don’t wear your Snuggie out in public unless you’re ready to take confessions such as this: my Snuggie is on order.

Rick Petry is a freelance writer who specializes in direct marketing and is a past chairman of ERA. He can be reached at (503) 740-9065, or via e-mail at rick.petry@me.com.